Just Another Day

A wall looks across onto the river and a line of mangroves across the river.

It’s just another day for the sun and the birds, but not the land, it knows something else. It doesn’t feel like just another day, does it? As I rode from Pomburpa (a village) through Mapusa (a city) to back home (a town?) I sensed the air getting wilder. The smoke from jets or whatever flying machines, stroked against the sky, leaving a trail of urgency behind them. This urgency enveloped the city. Everybody was in a hurry to get back home. I panicked – maybe the war’s here. I don’t know anything about wars. I didn’t know when to expect it, how I’d know or what to do. Then I calmed down. Maybe everybody’s rushing back to their homes just to glue on to the TVs. What now?

I have a severe anxiety issue – my paranoia works on a level that’s almost nonsensical, but makes me panic. I am glued on to the India-Pakistan situation. I wonder whether there might be even a hint of excitement in all the commentary I make about the may/may-not-be war. In which case, I am disappointed in myself. But there’s so much to talk about – so much to criticize – so much to speculate. I stopped romanticizing war and the whole idea of heroism and battle and valor, during my English Literature years in High School. Wilfred Owen stopped my daydreams of being a brave and fearless pilot.

I realised that if there would be a war now, it would be in the time of social media. That made me feel really strange. Would people put up Instagram stories of attacks? Of death? A constant influx of terrible news? And oh my, with all sorts of trolls, memes and horrible made up content? What a nightmare! It’s incredible what a thing like social media can do to change experiences. I write about my thoughts on war and throw it out to the world immediately, unlike many poets and writers from before who’d write it through immense PTSD after war. Not that I’m at the battlefield. I hope I never have to be. I could never kill another human being, unless by accident – in which case, it will haunt me out of my sanity.

Anyway, I hope everybody I love will be safe. That’s why war scares me so much. I wouldn’t have to deal with my death. But if anybody among the people I love die because of man’s terrible philosophy of war, my life will never be the same. I pray to whichever God is watching man’s horrendous games, that innocent lives are not put through this trauma.

So that’s that and here are the recommendations for the day:

1. When You See Millions Of The Mouthless Dead by Charles Sorley

When you see millions of the mouthless dead
Across your dreams in pale battalions go,
Say not soft things as other men have said,
That you’ll remember. For you need not so.
Give them not praise. For, deaf, how should they know
It is not curses heaped on each gashed head?
Nor tears. Their blind eyes see not your tears flow.
Nor honour. It is easy to be dead.
Say only this, ‘They are dead.’ Then add thereto,
‘Yet many a better one has died before.’
Then, scanning all the o’ercrowded mass, should you
Perceive one face that you loved heretofore,
It is a spook. None wears the face you knew.
Great death has made all his for evermore.

2. Chromatics – Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

3. Bon Iver & St. Vincent – Roslyn

4. The Truman Show

I know – not a path breaking recommendation, but I was just thinking about this movie today. One of my favorite Jim Carrey performances.

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