A Letter To My 24-Year-Old Self

My dear 24-year-old self,
I know you are scared.
I know you have never felt more alone in this world.
I know it feels like there is no path laid out for you in this strange incident
called life.
I know your heart breaks easily.
I know you fear the unknown.
I know you feel like you will never know love,
the way you thought you would know love.
I know your happy days feel like illusions and your bad days feel like
realities.
I know you feel like a mad woman.

I could tell you the truth –
that you are anything but alone.
You have friends, near and far,
spread across the world like treasure hunts to chase.
And among your friends, your family
– the largest treasure chest of them all –
standing strong and tall for you,
moving constantly with your never-ending evolution.
I could tell you the truth –
that you need to get over yourself.
Nobody ever really knows what their path is going to be,
even if they have a little more help.
And some people have it a lot worse.
Their paths are carpeted with sharp stones and thorns,
walled by barricades,
and accompanied by storms of sorrow – all laid out for them.
I could tell you the truth –
that, yes, your mental health seems obscure and unpredictable and
uncontrollable.
You need healing.
So does everybody.
Don’t deny yourself therapeutic help in the pursuit of happiness.
I could tell you the truth –
the way the man who is so fond of you said it –
that you are both light and dark.
I could tell you that the truth is all you need.

But it’s only human of us to lose sight of rationality
when life throws us down into dark alleyways
of loss, fear, and pain.
Instead, I want to tell you –
you are a 24 year old woman in the history of time,
in a world that is moving and changing literally right in front of your eyes.
You are a woman and the world is making space for women,
more than it did yesterday and less than it will tomorrow.
So don’t be afraid.
The world is getting smaller and kinder and wiser and you better believe it,
even when it may seem like it isn’t.
There will always be Bad Guys trying to turn harmless people
into wild, hateful and angry beings.
But even if it’s just you,
learning to be a little kinder than your yesterdays,
to the Earth or its several diverse inhabitants,
the world is a little brighter today.

You are 24.
An age that makes you feel old apparently,
but of course, you should.
You are not the newborn baby that slept in the arms of a grandmother who loved
you dearly.
You are not the toddler who was in awe of her mother breaking up two drunk men
fighting in the bus.
You are not the child who moved to a new city – a boiling pot of worlds in
itself – gawking at her new peers while nervously introducing herself.
You are not the newly turned teenage girl who immersed herself in the early
enactments of love.
You are not the girl in the brink of adulthood intoxicating herself in a new
found version of freedom.
You are not the girl who willed herself to live.

You are an amalgamation of all of them and so much more.

You are a 24-year-old woman
and you must feel all that you feel
and know fully well that everything that overwhelms you,
gently moulds your future self.
The future self who is all that you are right now and all that you cannot yet
imagine.
Now you know the tricks up Time’s sleeve,
and one day you will come to terms with Time’s mischief.
Is not the possibility of a future
where things will not be the same as today
enough to make living through today bearable?

So live and feel all that you
must.

Yours truly
24 year old self

 

I could tell you the truth –
that you are anything but alone. You have friends, near and far, spread across the world like treasure hunts to chase. And among your friends, your family – the largest treasure chest of them all – standing strong and tall for you, moving constantly with your never-ending evolution.
I could tell you the truth –
that you need to get over yourself. Nobody ever really knows what their path is going to be, even if they have a little more help. And some people have it a lot worse. Their paths are carpeted with sharp stones and thorns, walled by barricades, and accompanied by storms of sorrow – all laid out for them.
I could tell you the truth –
that, yes, your mental he+alth seems obscure and unpredictable and uncontrollable. You need healing. So does everybody. Don’t deny yourself therapeutic help in the pursuit of happiness.
I could tell you the truth –
the way the man who is so fond of you said it – that you are both light and dark.
I could tell you that the truth is all you need.

But it’s only human of us to lose sight of rationality when life throws us down into dark alleyways of loss, fear, and pain.
Instead, I want to tell you,
you are a 24 year old woman in the history of time, in a world that is moving and changing literally right in front of your eyes.
You are a woman and the world is making space for women, more than it did yesterday and less than it will tomorrow.
So don’t be afraid.
The world is getting smaller and kinder and wiser and you better believe it, even when it may seem like it isn’t.
There will always be Bad Guys trying to turn harmless people into wild, hateful and angry beings.
But even if it’s just you, learning to be a little kinder than your yesterdays, to the Earth or its several diverse inhabitants, the world is a little brighter today.

You are 24.
An age that makes you feel old apparently, but of course, you should.
You are not the newborn baby that slept in the arms of a grandmother who loved you dearly.
You are not the toddler who was in awe of her mother breaking up two drunk men fighting in the bus.
You are not the child who moved to a new city – a boiling pot of worlds in itself – gawking at her new peers while nervously introducing herself.
You are not the newly teenage girl who immersed herself in the early enactments of love.
You are not the girl in the brink of adulthood intoxicating herself in a new found version of freedom.
You are not the girl who willed herself to live.

You are an amalgamation of all of them and so much more.

You are a 24-year-old woman
and you must feel all that you feel and know fully well that everything that overwhelms you, gently molds your future self.
The future self who is all that you are right now and all that you can not yet imagine.
Now you know the tricks up Time’s sleeve, and one day you will come to terms with Time’s mischief.
Is not the possibility of a future where things will not be the same as today enough to make living through today bearable?

So live and feel all that you must.

Yours truly
24 year old self

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